Thursday, June 23, 2005

Downtown Freak Parade

As many probably know, I am peddling my wares (aka - Wild Mountain Organics) at the Downtown Country Market in Buffalo. It's a farmers' market catering to those working and visiting the thriving Buffalo downtown. It's actually been pretty good for us. I think people are discovering Wild Mountain Organics - slowly but surely - and I think they will return. Pam and I both agree that no one who has tried our products has ever said, yeah, not so much. Everyone loves them. So we keep plugging away knowing that perseverance and determination and some balls will keep us going.

The point of this blog is to point out some mistakes I find people make. First of all, Buffalo is not a pretty town. I had to really look to find any kind of attractive people or people with sass. It kind of frightened me. The freak parade ran right in front of my both. There were all kinds of savory characters from the outright strange, to the freakish, to the hilarious. Having witnessed this calvalcade of lunatics, I put together some advice for other would-be visitors. Please learn.

Some advice for those thinking of visiting the Downtown Country Market:

-Just because you are a young, African-American male, it does not mean you are Puff Daddy. When you are shopping with your mother and grandmother - both of whom are wearing velour - it is not necessary for you to be tricked out in your pinstripe suit with your fuschia Pimp Daddy hat and matching patent leather shoes. You look like an ass. But you made me chuckle.

-If you have large breasts - and by large I mean you could feed the state of Rhode Island - please wear a bra. If you choose not to do that, please do not run. DO NOT RUN! Particularly - do not run in front of me. While I find it comical, I also find that I am in danger of getting slapped by your enormous knockers. How you aren't unconscious, I do not know.

-If you insist on wearing high heeled shoes - and I love to wear high heeled shoes - learn how to walk in them. That's right - if you find yourself wobbling or walking with your knees bent to maintain stability, or walking on the side, heel or toes of your shoes, please wear flats or the orthopedic shoes prescribed by your MD. Don't try the heels. You will get hurt.

-I don't even know how to categorize this couple of girls since I had never seen this before but I will call them Daisy Duke Terry Cloth American Idol Wanna Bes. Let me further describe them. Two ladies who should not have been wearing Daisy Dukes (and they were terry cloth daisy dukes showing their butt cheeks) - and by not wearing them I mean they had cellulite that even my Skin Repair Cream may not be able to tackle - and heels (I don't know if they could walk in them because I was distracted by the rest of the ensemble), were singing. Now, if they had lovely voices I may not have minded. But this scene reminded me of something I may see on the American Idol outtakes. Please stop! First of all, you are in terry cloth - why did this come back, Bruce Jenner. Second of all, you are at the Farmers Market in Buffalo. Third - you suck. Shut up.

All in all, this market is pretty awesome. There are some wonderful vendors with amazing products, lovely produce, and plants and such. I recommend it.

The best part of this farmers market is, of course, Wild Mountain Organics. We will be on the corner of Lafayette and Main Street on Tuesdays and Thursday from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. Come check us out and try our products! Not only do I have samples of everything, but I have a portable sink that you can use to try the polishes and such! See you at the market!

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