Saturday, May 26, 2007

Ding Dong - Don't Poke My Eye Out

We had a great time watching the little kids running about. Kids seem to enjoy life so much. Probably because they haven't faced disappointment and catastrophe -but I'm not bitter.

Before I continue, a word about toilets in China.

They don't exist.

What you have instead are porcelain holes in the ground. They are like urinals put in the ground. Instead of sitting, you squat, much as you would if you were camping. They also never have TP anywhere. I take a travel pack of tissues everywhere I go.

Luckily I have no trouble squatting and peeing because I have been camping. I have also been drunk in the woods and have had to pee while wasted and squatted. And I've done that without peeing all over myself, so I fancy myself a squat 'n pee expert. Other ladies here have such trouble. Many will wait until they find a regular toilet - which you might not ever do! If I have to pee, I have to pee. I am not going to stand on ceremony. I am going to pee. Also, the loos smell worse than my bathroom after a night of Mexican food or onion soup so I pee quickly. Get in there, drop the pants, go, wipe, put the pants back on, get out. You can almost do all of that holding your breath.

Back to the ding dong story.

Many of the young tots in China have pants with a slit up the ass, presumably to make squatting easier. I love these pants and would love a pair - as pajamas. I don't think my students would appreciate it if I ran around class wearing them.

We are at the Temple of Heaven which is a wonderful architectural masterpiece. As we are leaving, I see a tot being held on one of the walls. His mother is sitting holding his hands as if he is just learning to stand and walk. I comment that he is adorable when what happens.....I look down and his little ding dong, flanked by his wrinkly baby balls, is staring right at me. I am momentarily paralyzed not quite sure how to react. The little bugger could have poked me in the eye! (I wasn't that close so don't get the wrong idea. It's the idea.)

Baby bat and balls .....At the Temple of Heaven.

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