Thursday, April 21, 2005

Happy Earth Day - Stay Out of My Yard, You Little Urchin

Tomorrow (or today, when you read this) is Earth Day. The one day of the year that we should honor mother nature in all her glory. I was looking forward to a fantastic day filled with thunderstorms, hail, wind, and cold weather. Welcome to Earth Day, Buffalo. I once heard a comedian describe Buffalo and its crack-smoking residents (I don't literally mean people who smoke crack, I am simply implying that people who still stay here are nuts) by saying: "Buffalo, the city in which people give Mother Nature the finger .... and she gives it right back." I wish I could remember who said it because I think it's clever and I like to give clever people their due which is why I always pat myself on the back.

I digress.

As I said, I was looking forward to spending some quality time in my backyard in my terry cloth halter top and Bruce Jenner running shorts enjoying my flowers when - WHAT? I came home today and found some neighborhood urchin cutting my flowers! Cutting them right out of my backyard! Now, I understand that often neighborhoods and backyard boundaries are ambiguous - if you live in Town Dumbass. However, she had to walk around part of a fence, bend over to cut flowers, then sprint across the yard to the other side (also a fence and the side of a barn) to cut more! By the time I realized what on earth had happened, she was gone. But her little 10 year old visage is burned into my memory. If she returns, she will get a good natured Earth Day beatdown! An opened can of Earth Day Whoop Ass, if you will. A gold old Redneck lynching. A stern talking to. A waved finger with the words " get your scrawny little ass off my property before I have my little trailer park chihuahua piss all over you!" spewing from my mouth.

That doesn't sound at all friendly. Or neighborly. I should embrace the street urchin with open arms and welcome her to my garden. My Earth Day retreat. I should say, "Come on in, Sweetie, and sit with me a spell." Then I should regale her with stories of growing up in a small town on lots of acres with cows and deer in the next yard. She will smile earnestly wondering how she has lived all 10 of her years without such a wonderul and caring mentor.

Then I will open up a can of Whoop Ass!

Since it is Earth Day, Wild Mountain Organics is the perfect way to celebrate. Any of our products embrace the earth and all its wonders. All natural, no petrochemicals, no animal testing (well, on our friends and family, but that doesn't count). Take a look today and let the nurturing alchemy of nature soothe your soul. If you don't, you may suffer an Earth Day beating of your own.

1 comment:

Lori said...

Earth Day is no excuse to be nice to urchins - f the lot of them I say!