Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Thank God for the Wrapping Paper Cutter

My husband seems to like infomercials. Not the infomercials that are half hour pseudo-programs, but the infomercials disguised as regular 30 or 60 second commercials.

I also enjoy them because they are absurd! I have no idea who these people are doing this stupid shit. For example:

-The woman promoting the dog grooming tool that is supposed to make brushing your dog easy and quick. She is frustrated sitting on the floor trying to groom her dog. She is nearly buried in dog hair. And then she shrugs her shoulders and tosses the old-fashioned dog brush to the ground. What's the issue, Sunshine? Brushing your dog should not be a contact sport. It shouldn't require heavy equipment. It certainly shouldn't require some fancy equipment that costs $19.99. But wait - let's toss in a dog wormer. A little tube that you stick in your dogs ass and then suck the worms out. I made that last one up, I hope, but I bet it's coming!

-Pasta making plastic looking thing. Do people have trouble making pasta? Boil water, toss pasta in, wait. This contraption requires that you put boiling water in some tube thing and then toss the pasta in and then wait. Do you see the difference? Neither do I. Same principle, more equipment to clog the cupboards.

-Rubber cement glue stuff that is supposed to fix everything. I love this commercial because people do the stupidest things. Drilling a hole in tile - well, of course you have to hold the drill steady or it will crack your tile. But I am curious about the stuff. I want to stick some to the dog's back and hang her from stuff to see what happens. Before I have the humane society at my door, I'm joking. Although, I wonder if that would work as a dog grooming device since brushing the dog's hair is such a chore!

-Since it is the holiday season, our new favorite is the wrapping paper cutter. My husband saw this on TV and said, "Look, Hon, a wrapping paper cutter." I told him we already had one. We call it scissors. This $5 piece of equipment is supposed to make cutting wrapping paper easy and safe. What are you doing with scissors that makes cutting wrapping paper difficult and unsafe? Are you drunk? Flailing the scissors about? Once you get started with the cutting, it's as if you aren't using scissors because it just glides through the paper. I guess if you were wrapping with burlap or cardboard, you might have some trouble, but really?

My advice to people - get your heads out of your asses. Like isn't as complicated as infomercials would make us believe!

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