Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Take Five - Commencement Edition

I am late in getting this post out.  This past weekend was commencement on campus.  It is a whirlwind of busyness.

We had a wonderful commencement speaker this year, Tim Brown, president and CEO of Nestle Waters North America.  Commencement weekend always makes me think, what if I gave a commencement speech?  What would I say?  Then I said, "what would the best commencement speeches consist of?"  I came up with the five things I would love to hear a commencement speaker say.  That is this week's Take Five.

1. I am going to stand up here and read the menu for the local bar and grill because no one is paying any damn attention to me.

2.  You almost graduates don't give a rip what I have to say because you all know everything!  You have a liberal arts degree.

3.  Some of you will go on to great success.  Some of you will live in your parents' basement and never kiss anybody because you are losers.

4.  I lied and cheated my way to the top.  Meet me in the lobby after the ceremony and I'll tell you how you may do the same thing.

5.  Everything you learned, you learned in kindergarten so kudos to you for spending a bazillion dollars on an education.  See number 3.

The above are written tongue-in-cheek.  I teach at a liberal arts university and take great pride in my job and in our students.  We have some of the best students.  I just think that if anyone said any of the above, you would have the attention of the audience to be sure.  And you would make me laugh.

I also think it's safe to say that I won't be on anyone's commencement speaker short list any time soon.

Cheers!  And congratulations to our St. Bonaventure University graduates - now alumni!  We are all proud!

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