My emotions this morning are mildly confused. On one hand I am understanding, confident, and hopeful. On the other, I am depressed for me and I feel rather selfish about it.
A good friend of mine told me a couple days ago that she and her husband were divorcing. To say that I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I don't know if anyone has those married friends you just expect to be together forever? I do and they were one of those couples. In fact, I often admired them for their commitment and dedication to one another and used them as a guage in my relationships. It also didn't help that I love both of them. No one is at fault, so to speak, they just 'grew apart'. But they want to remain friends and still be in each others lives.
Perhaps it is this last comment that throws me off. It is so mature. All of my relationships end and that's it. Sure you tell people that you want to remain friends, but that never happens and you don't really care after awhile.
Perhaps it is the dashed hope that makes me feel selfish. If they were my relationship litmus test, what hope do I have? I am in an amazing and wonderfully nurturing relationship right now and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But now I have doubts? I have doubts that if they can't make it work, what makes me think I can because I am not nearly as mature and stable as they clearly are.
My girlfriend and I went to dinner last night because I hadn't seen her in some time and now I needed the backstory. I needed some reassurance that she was doing the right thing (as if I might recognize the right thing if it spanked me in the ass) and that I would also be okay. Again, I have to say that my selfish thoughts made me feel a bit horrible because this was, after all, about her. Not me. But I couldn't help my emotions.
I met her at her house. Her husband (for the moment) was on the front porch. I wanted to just give him a hug and cry. But he was handling it so well I didn't even know what to do or say. I was shocked but relieved. He mentioned that he wasn't losing anything - he was gaining a lifetime friend. Someone who loved him. Later, she shared the same sentiment. In fact, the night before they toasted the wonderful relationship they had with champagne and moved on. It was as simple as that.
I had fun on our night out. We laughed and shared as we always did. I am not sure why I expected that to change. We went for a drink at a local bar and met a man old enough to be our grandfather who proceeded to flirt shamelessly with us which made him old enough to be our grandfather in Deliverance. He shared a game with us that wasn't supposed to leave the bar, but I find it appropriate. It has three simple rules:
1. Silence or the truth, but no bullshit.
2. Never put yourself down.
3. What is said here, stays here (keep some things private and sacred).
Words of wisdom from the drunk dude at the bar. But isn't that where wisdom comes from half the time? Hell, when I'm drunk, I'm Einstein (and Cindy Crawford - but that really plays to rule number 2).
I left feeling a bit better. The long drive home from the city to my rural abode afforded me time to think about that evening and my interactions. Things happen for a reason - I am a firm believer in that. I also now look at their relationship as just a different evolution of it. Why do I have to think of things having a beginning and an abrupt end? Sometimes things just flow and just are. They are both happy. Evolution happens and changes happen. They embrace them without animosity and have just found a way to still have a life together. So it isn't the same - is it ever the same? And does it really matter?
And I felt happy for them and for me. I wish them both well.
If ever they feel the need to relax, I have the perfect Body Polish for them. Wild Mountain Organics has 5 different scents to suit your mood - Citrus, Lavender/Mint, Rose, Peppermint, and Yogi Blend. All are made with sea salt, epsom salt, olive oil, and essential oils. Put a teaspoon or two in your bath or use it as a body scrub. Instant satisfaction.