Monday, May 23, 2005

Redneck Weddings and a Weekend Recap

This post is going to be a recap of weekend events since much has happened since Friday afternoon.

I attended my first ever redneck wedding this weekend. As an academic, I was able to perform a study. The redneckedness (I think I made that word up) of your wedding - or any gathering - is directly propotional to the number of pick-up trucks in the parking lot. Now, these pick-up trucks must be Dodge, Ford or Chevy. Toyota or Nissan, et. al. do not qualify. In fact, you may be subject to a redneck beat down should you arrive in one.

Also, the redneckedness is mutlipled by the number of yellow ribbon "Support Our Troops" stickers or "America the Free"; "We love America"; "America, Blah, Blah" red, white and blue stickers or Nascar stickers on your bumper, window, side of vehicle.

If you also thought to bring your own beer mug/stein - you win extra points and up the redneck factor.

This was truly a redneck wedding. It was also a wedding cliche. Words of advice - if you are going to play music at your wedding and feel obligated to play all the wedding cliches, please don't play them successively. This was the lineup - in no particular order, but there are no gaps - artists are not listed because either I don't know them, they are common knowledge, or I don't give a crap and nor should you:

  • Old Time Rock and Roll

  • Celebration

  • We Are Family

  • The Electric Slide

  • Old Time Rock and Roll (yes, it was played twice because it's that damn good)

  • Paradise by the Dashboard Lights

  • That new herding cattle song that actually gives you the moves. Something like, right foot front, now back now y'all. It's a horrible little song and should never be played EVER!

What I also found amusing were the odd songs that were played. This is a wedding. Please don't play It's Raining Men. Or I Will Survive. Inappropriate wedding songs. Hell - songs I don't want to hear anywhere!

I did notice omissions - however, a caveat, we left at 9:30 so they may have been played after we left (and if so, I heave a sigh of relief):

  • Hot, Hot, Hot

  • The Macarena

  • Chicken Dance

  • Hokey Pokey

  • Locomotion

The weekend wasn't all bad. I was able to meet with my girlfriends in Diamond Club yesterday. One of our group had a new baby boy. And I held him. I generally don't hold children under 2 years old because they frighten me. They are quite fragile looking and they poop themselves and spit up. Of course, that sounds like some ex-boyfriends, but I digress. Suffice to say that he did not break nor did he suffer any ill effects. However, I haven't talked to his mother today to ensure he didn't wake in a fit of restless sleep because I held him. I'm rather afraid to find out.

J did drive me to the event because I wanted to ride my bike home - because I am on crack. We pulled into the driveway of my friend's house and saw three of the girls looking at my friend's new Toyota Prius. A wonderful hybrid that I was lucky enough to rent in Oregon. I feel bad (and apologize) for distracting everyone because they swarmed the pick-up truck as if they had never seen a man (hell, they'd never seen me with one). Poor J. He handled it so well. But I have to think that he must have thought he would be devoured.

When I returned home, my wonderful boyfriend - J - had made another delivery/surprise. In addition to my dining room table and chairs of a couple weeks ago, I came home to find the matching sidebar and wine hutch. I don't really know how to take all of this generosity since I am completely unaccustomed to dealing with such lavish displays. He did warn me not to mention things I like or want because I may end up with them.

I know what you're thinking. The enterprising girl would be off to the fancy pants car dealership of choice or ritsy jewelry store, but not me. No. I make a mental note to shut the hell up! I cannot even imagine what would be next. Then I start thinking about things I may have mentioned. Like a charcoal grill, hot tub, living room furniture, fireplace - that sort of thing. And wonder what will happen.

And wonder what on earth I will do if I come home one night and find other additions to the home. I'm a bit overwhelmed.

When you are overwhelmed nothing helps soothe quite like Wild Mountain Organics. The natural/organic botanicals contained within can soothe anyone!

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